HBR's 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence

• books to review Emotional Intelligence Leadership public
  • Full title:: HBR's 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence (with featured article "What Makes a Leader?" by Daniel Goleman)(HBR's 10 Must Reads)
  • Author:: Harvard Business Review
  • Started reading:: December 25th, 2020
  • Finished reading:: January 2nd, 2021

• Summary

• Takeaways

  • What makes a Leader?

    • Author:: Daniel Goleman
    • Studies have shown that above a certain threshold capability level, what makes great leader is not their IQ, but their EI, or Emotional Intelligence
      • At the end of the day, Leadership is about influencing people to advance in a specific direction
    • Emotional Intelligence most important skills are
      • Self-awareness
        • Knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, values, emotions, etc.
          • In particular, awareness of emotions seems like a very important skill, as emotions unconsciously affect our decision-making

        • People with strong self-awareness are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful. Rather, they are honest—with themselves and with others. (Location 7)

      • Self-regulation
        • The ability to control impulses and moods
          • Cognitive Distancing could be helpful
      • Motivation
        • A drive to achieve for the sake of achievement, for the work itself
        • Optimism in the face of failure
          • Although not baseless optimism, as discussed in the article about Resilience
      • Empathy
        • Understanding others’ emotions and feelings
        • Take these emotions in consideration during the decision-making process
      • Social skill
        • Effectiveness in leading change
        • Persuasiveness
        • Extensive networking (circles of influence)
        • Expertise in building and leading teams
    • Can Emotional Intelligence be learned?
      • It can be trained, but we need to focus on the right part of the brain

        • Emotional intelligence is born largely in the neurotransmitters of the brain’s limbic system, which governs feelings, impulses, and drives. (Location 8)

        • Many training programs focus on logic, analytical and technical abilities, which are governed by the neocortex
        • The Limbic System is better trained through motivation, extended practice, and feedback
          • Which also takes much longer and explain why it comes age

            • >

              Emotional intelligence increases with age. There is an old-fashioned word for the phenomenon: maturity. (Location 8)

      • Self-awareness needs to be nurtured

        • Many executives mistake candor about feelings for “wimpiness” and fail to give due respect to employees who openly acknowledge their shortcomings. Such people are too readily dismissed as “not tough enough” to lead others. (Location 11)

      • Self-regulation depends on self-awareness to be effective
        • Self-regulation is a hallmark of leadership and inspire confidence and trus

          • people who are in control of their feelings and impulses—that is, people who are reasonable—are able to create an environment of trust and fairness. (Location 12)

        • Leaders who fail to self-regulate are potential liabilities to their organization

          • Many of the bad things that happen in companies are a function of impulsive behavior. (Location 13)

      • Motivation to achieve for the sake of achievement drives optimism, and in combination with self-regulation helps to overcome frustration and depression
      • Empathy must not be confused with feeling sorry about others (although it is an important component). At it’s core, it is understanding their feelings, and consider them as an important parameter of decision-making
        • Which also means to consider how a decision will affect them consequently

  • Primal Leadership: The hidden driver of great performance

    • Authors:: Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, Annie McKee
    • Research has shown that leader’s mood has a profound impact on a company’s performance, through a neurological process called mood contagion
      • Ruthless and negative bosses create toxic environments
      • Upbeat and inspirational leaders cultivate positive employees
      • It makes sense because our emotions are governed by our Limbic System which is also in charge of making decisions on a daily-basis
        • Insecurity, anxiety, frustration, content, etc. are definitely emotions that can’t be conducive to sound decisions
      • Scientists believe that the Limbic System is a open-loop system by nature, and therefore depends on external sources to manage itself

        • In other words, we rely on connections with other people to determine our moods. (Location 28)

      • Emotional interactions happen at an hormonal level

        • >

          Scientists describe the open loop as “interpersonal limbic regulation”; one person transmits signals that can alter hormone levels, cardiovascular functions, sleep rhythms, even immune functions, inside the body of another. That’s how couples are able to trigger surges of oxytocin in each other’s brains, creating a pleasant, affectionate feeling. (Location 30)

        • We will unconsciously mirror other’s behaviors and emotional states
          • I wonder if the same phenomenon occurs regarding body language as I’m pretty sure it is also controlled by out Limbic System
    • Emotional leadership is about understanding the impact one can have on the mood of the organization and adjusting one’s style accordingly. It can be strengthened through a process of self-discovery and self-reflection
      • Who do you want to be?
        • How an effective leader would look like to you in terms of behaviors, traits, mood, etc.
      • Who are you now?
        • Gather 360-degree feedback, including from peers and subordinatess
      • How do you get from here to there?
      • How do you make change stick?
        • Routines systems based on the right behaviors

  • Why it’s so hard to be fair

    • Author:: Joel Brockner
    • The article discusses the need for fair process. Studies have shown that the perception of process fairness is as important if not more than the actual outcome, such as severance packages during layoffs.
    • That perception is very personal and will vary from individual to individual

      • Ultimately, each employee decides for him or herself whether a decision has been made fairly. (Location 44)

    • Generally speaking, there are 3 drivers of process fairness
      • 1. How much input people believe they have in the decision-making process
        • Related to:
          Include employees in a decision-making process that will impact them
      • 2. How people believe decisions are made and implemented
      • 3. How managers behave

      • process fairness is distinct from outcome fairness, (Location 45)

    • There is a direct correlation between fair process and company’s performance

      • most strategic and organizational change initiatives fail in their implementation, not in their conception. (Location 48)

      • Introduction to Strategic Fitness Process (SFP)
        • Action-learning methodology
        • Could be interesting to look more into it

    • When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite, Winston Churchil

    • Fair process cannot be achieved if managers avoid people in emotional pain

      • “Emotional contagion” also comes into play in these situations. Just as we tend to laugh when we see others laugh, even when we don’t know why, we also involuntarily feel anxious or sad when those around us feel that way—and that’s uncomfortable. (Location 53)

    • Steps to normalize process fairness
      • Address the knowledge gap

        • Studies have shown that people can tolerate negative experiences more easily when they expect them. (Location 54)

      • Invest in training
        • Managers need to train how they communicate about process fairness

          • it’s not enough for executives just to be fair, they also have to be seen as fair. (Location 55)

      • Make process fairness a top priority

        • Forward-thinking organizations care not only about the outcomes their managers produce but also about the fairness of the process they use to achieve them. (Location 57)

        • There is a moral imperative for companies to practice process fairness. It is, simply put, the right thing to do. (Location 57)

  • Why good leaders make bad decisions

    • Authors:: Andrew Campbell, Jo Whitehead, Sydney Finkelstein
    • Decisions through pattern recognition and emotional tagging

      • Leaders make decisions largely through unconscious processes that neuroscientists call pattern recognition and emotional tagging. (Location 61)

        • We believe we make most of our decisions rationally, but that would most likely be too taxing on our System 2. Instead we have developed a quick and effective decision mechanism based that consists of recognizing certain patterns and associating them with emotion
          • Related to System 1 and Limbic System
        • Z: Consider the influence of emotional tagging in your decision making

      • But this emotion-driven pattern recognition system can be distorted by 3 red flags of emotional tagging
        • self-interest
          • biases the emotional importance we place on information, which makes it easier for us to see the patterns we want to see
        • emotional attachments
          • our judgement can be affected by our attachment to people, places, things, etc.
        • misleading memories
          • Related to experience bias

          • Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory resonate, Enlightenment Now, Steven Pinker

          • Strong emotional attachment can mislead our memories even more
      • This is a powerful mechanism and can create strong connections between thoughts and emotions, to the point of making that connection hard to rewire

        • >

          our brains leap to conclusions and are reluctant to consider alternatives. (Location 64)

        • >

          we are particularly bad at revisiting our initial assessment of a situation—our initial frame. (Location 64)

    • It is critical to find ways to systematically detect bias, and put safeguards to protect us from red flag conditions

      • get the help of an independent person to identify which decision makers are likely to be affected by self-interest, emotional attachments, or misleading memories. (Location 62)

      • Injecting fresh experience or analysis

        • You can often counteract biases by exposing the decision maker to new information and a different take on the problem. (Location 67)

      • Introducing further debate and challenge
      • Imposing stronger governance

        • Stronger governance does not eliminate distorted thinking, but it can prevent distortions from leading to a bad outcome. (Location 68)

  • Building the emotional intelligence of Groups

    • Authors:: Vanessa Urch Druskat, Steven B. Wolffhttps://hbr.org/2001/03/building-the-emotional-intelligence-of-groups
    • Group’s effectiveness requires 3 conditions
      • Trust among members
      • A sense of group identity
      • A sense of group efficacy
    • Group emotional intelligence is about bringing emotions to the surface and understanding their affect to the team’s work

      • Emotional intelligence means exploring, embracing, and ultimately relying on emotion in work that is, at the end of the day, deeply human.

    • The group must be aware of and constructively regulate the emotions of
      • individual team members

        • The most constructive way of regulating team members’ emotions is by establishing norms in the group for both confrontation and caring. (Location 78)

      • the whole group

        • Teams need resources that all members can draw on to deal with group emotions. One important resource is a common vocabulary. (Location 81)

      • other key groups with whom it interacts
    • Group emotional intelligence is about the small acts that make a big difference

      • It is not about a team member working all night to meet a deadline; it is about saying thank you for doing so.

      • Is is not about in-depth discussions of ideas; it is about asking a quiet member for his thoughts.

      • It is not about harmony, lack of tension, and all members liking each other; it is about acknowledging when harmony is false, tension is unexpressed, and treating others with respect

    • How to build norms for group emotional intelligence
      • 

  • The price of incivility: lack of respect hurt

  • How resilience works

  • Emotional agility: how effective leaders

  • Fear of feedback

  • The young and the clueless

• What resonates with me

• Highlights on Emotional Intelligence

  • People with strong self-awareness are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful. Rather, they are honest—with themselves and with others. (Location 7)
  • Emotional intelligence increases with age. There is an old-fashioned word for the phenomenon: maturity. (Location 8)
  • Emotional intelligence is born largely in the neurotransmitters of the brain’s limbic system, which governs feelings, impulses, and drives. (Location 8)
  • Many executives mistake candor about feelings for “wimpiness” and fail to give due respect to employees who openly acknowledge their shortcomings. Such people are too readily dismissed as “not tough enough” to lead others. (Location 11)
  • people who are in control of their feelings and impulses—that is, people who are reasonable—are able to create an environment of trust and fairness. (Location 12)
  • Many of the bad things that happen in companies are a function of impulsive behavior. (Location 13)
  • The signs of emotional self-regulation, therefore, are easy to see: a propensity for reflection and thoughtfulness; comfort with ambiguity and change; and integrity—an ability to say no to impulsive urges. (Location 14)
  • Interestingly, people with high motivation remain optimistic even when the score is against them. (Location 15)
  • Socially skilled people, however, don’t think it makes sense to arbitrarily limit the scope of their relationships. They build bonds widely because they know that in these fluid times, they may need help someday from people they are just getting to know today. (Location 20)
  • In other words, we rely on connections with other people to determine our moods. (Location 28)
  • Scientists describe the open loop as “interpersonal limbic regulation”; one person transmits signals that can alter hormone levels, cardiovascular functions, sleep rhythms, even immune functions, inside the body of another. That’s how couples are able to trigger surges of oxytocin in each other’s brains, creating a pleasant, affectionate feeling. (Location 30)
  • Whatever the reason, the CEO can’t rely on his followers to spontaneously give him the full picture. (Location 34)
  • The aroused prefrontal cortex marks the brain’s focus on what’s about to happen. Without that arousal, a person will reenact tried-and-true but undesirable routines: (Location 40)
  • That’s why a learning agenda is so important. Without one, we literally do not have the brainpower to change. (Location 40)
  • A leader must rehearse a new behavior until it becomes automatic—that is, until he’s mastered it at the level of implicit learning. (Location 40)
  • We cannot improve our emotional intelligence or change our leadership style without help from others. (Location 41)
  • Ultimately, each employee decides for him or herself whether a decision has been made fairly. (Location 44)
  • how much input employees believe they have in the decision-making process: (Location 44)
  • how employees believe decisions are made and implemented: (Location 44)
  • how managers behave: (Location 44)
  • process fairness is distinct from outcome fairness, (Location 45)
  • most strategic and organizational change initiatives fail in their implementation, not in their conception. (Location 48)
  • strategic fitness process, or SFP) (Location 49)
  • managers are tuned in to their intentions to treat others respectfully, but they aren’t as good at reading how those intentions come across to others. Or maybe it’s just wishful—and self-serving—thinking. (Location 51)
  • Sometimes corporate policies hinder fair process. (Location 52)
  • “Emotional contagion” also comes into play in these situations. Just as we tend to laugh when we see others laugh, even when we don’t know why, we also involuntarily feel anxious or sad when those around us feel that way—and that’s uncomfortable. (Location 53)
  • Studies have shown that people can tolerate negative experiences more easily when they expect them. (Location 54)
  • it’s not enough for executives just to be fair, they also have to be seen as fair. (Location 55)
  • Forward-thinking organizations care not only about the outcomes their managers produce but also about the fairness of the process they use to achieve them. (Location 57)
  • There is a moral imperative for companies to practice process fairness. It is, simply put, the right thing to do. (Location 57)
  • Leaders make decisions largely through unconscious processes that neuroscientists call pattern recognition and emotional tagging. (Location 61)
  • get the help of an independent person to identify which decision makers are likely to be affected by self-interest, emotional attachments, or misleading memories. (Location 62)
  • Emotional tagging is the process by which emotional information attaches itself to the thoughts and experiences stored in our memories. (Location 62)
  • our brains leap to conclusions and are reluctant to consider alternatives. (Location 64)
  • we are particularly bad at revisiting our initial assessment of a situation—our initial frame. (Location 64)
  • the presence of inappropriate self-interest, (Location 64)
  • the presence of distorting attachments. We (Location 64)
  • the presence of misleading memories. (Location 64)
  • You can often counteract biases by exposing the decision maker to new information and a different take on the problem. (Location 67)
  • Stronger governance does not eliminate distorted thinking, but it can prevent distortions from leading to a bad outcome. (Location 68)
  • three conditions are essential to a group’s effectiveness: trust among members, a sense of group identity, and a sense of group efficacy. (Location 72)
  • The most constructive way of regulating team members’ emotions is by establishing norms in the group for both confrontation and caring. (Location 78)
  • Teams need resources that all members can draw on to deal with group emotions. One important resource is a common vocabulary. (Location 81)
  • When it comes to managing the organization, you should hire for civility, teach it, create group norms, reward positive behavior, penalize rudeness, and seek out former employees for an honest assessment of your company’s culture. (Location 95)
  • We also found that witnesses to incivility were less likely than others to help out, even when the person they’d be helping had no apparent connection to the uncivil person: (Location 97)
  • Rather than confronting offenders, leaders often opt for an easier solution—moving them to a different location. The result is predictable: The behavior continues in a new setting. (Location 103)
  • “Every mistake we’ve made in firing a questionable hire was in taking action too late, not too early.” (Location 103)
  • Organizational memory fades quickly. It’s crucial, therefore, to gather information from and reflect on the experiences and reactions of employees who leave because of incivility. (Location 103)
  • Instead of slipping into denial to cope with hardship, take a sober, down-to-earth view of the reality of your situation. You’ll prepare yourself to act in ways that enable you to endure—training yourself to survive before the fact. (Location 108)
  • Resilient people, they posit, possess three characteristics: a staunch acceptance of reality; a deep belief, often buttressed by strongly held values, that life is meaningful; and an uncanny ability to improvise. (Location 110)
  • when we truly stare down reality, we prepare ourselves to act in ways that allow us to endure and survive extraordinary hardship. We train ourselves how to survive before the fact. (Location 112)
  • it is worth noting that resilience is neither ethically good nor bad. It is merely the skill and the capacity to be robust under conditions of enormous stress and change. (Location 115)
  • Values, positive or negative, are actually more important for organizational resilience than having resilient people on the payroll. If resilient employees are all interpreting reality in different ways, their decisions and actions may well conflict, calling into doubt the survival of their organization. (Location 115)
  • All healthy human beings have an inner stream of thoughts and feelings that include criticism, doubt, and fear. (Location 119)
  • Recognize your patterns; label your thoughts and emotions; accept them; and act on your values. (Location 121)
  • Effective leaders are mindful of their inner experiences but not caught in them. They (Location 126)
  • At some point in a young manager’s career, usually at the vice president level, raw talent and determined ambition become less important than the ability to influence and persuade. (Location 142)
  • Promoting talented young managers too quickly prevents them from developing key emotional competencies—such as negotiating with peers, regulating negative emotions during crises, and building support for change—skills that come only with time and experience. (Location 143)
  • Delay promotions so managers can mature emotionally. This isn’t easy. You must balance confrontation and support, patience and urgency—and risk losing your finest. But premature promoting carries far greater risks. (Location 143)
  • It’s worth noting that many of these smart young managers aren’t used to hearing criticism. Consequently, they may discount negative feedback, either because the comments don’t mesh with what they’ve heard in previous conversations or because their egos are so strong. (Location 147)
  • One of the reasons employees get stuck in the pattern we’ve described is that their bosses point out deficits in emotional competencies but don’t follow through. (Location 149)
  • Help the inexperienced manager get beyond a command-and-control mentality by pushing him to develop his negotiation and persuasion skills. Instead of promoting him, give him cross-functional assignments where he can’t rely on rank to influence people. (Location 152)
  • Don’t give the inexperienced manager the impression that emotional competencies are optional. (Location 152)
  • Indeed, there’s no substitute for experience, reflection, feedback, and, above all, practice. (Location 157)