Cognitive distancing is a metacognitive process that consists of differentiating our perception of reality with reality itself. What we see or feel is not reality, but our perception of reality, which may have been distorted by our emotions, beliefs, heuristics, biases, etc.
“Distancing” refers to the ability to view one’s own thoughts (or beliefs) as constructions of “reality” rather than as reality itself. (Alford & Beck, 1997, p. 142)
We must differentiate our instinctive responses to events, and how we think about them
Our instinctive responses have been engrained in our reptilian brain, as a result of the evolutionary process. This is our “animal” reaction, and we need to accept it as it has its utility, and there is nothing intrinsically good or bad about it
What is important is what we do next. Instinctive responses will trigger thoughts, and they are the ones we need to control
Anger for example is usually the result of putting oneself in an echo chamber of negative thoughts about unfairness or rejection
Being insulted by someone is a good practical example. Our reptilian brain will feel attacked, and we will instinctively respond to that attack by a defensive mechanism and a rush of adrenaline. We physically cannot control that part, and shouldn’t. But we can acknowledge it and decide not to attribute any judgement of value